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FROM: Erica thedavisgirl@guiltfree.com
TO: The Guilt Fairy theguiltfairy@goodthings.com
CC: My Conscience Iwouldntdoth@ifIwereyou.com
SUBJECT: It's Not Me. It's You.
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Dear Guilt Fairy,
I am writing to inform you that I will no longer be needing your services.
In lieu of the fact that you've been my dutiful companion for more than two decades, I have decided that in order to best move forward towards my career as a best-selling author, there is little room in my life smug-mouthed, gut-nagging, local-buying, ankle-biting, half-wit such as yourself. No offense.
Please understand; not only was my choice to end a relationship such as ours exceedingly liberating, but also really freaking easy. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a load of laundry to ignore.
And a pile of dirty dishes to forget about.
And a bag of tortilla chips (Made in Japan) to devour.
And a closet of proverbial skeletons to never mention again.
And a stack of bills to pay. If I feel like it.
And a non-biodegradable bottle of sparkling water (bottled in France) to drink.
And a non-ecological car to drive three and a half blocks to Starbucks.
And a novel to write that's going to take lots and lots and lots of innocent trees to print.
Best,
Erica Davis,
Guilt free since 11:50pm EST
P.S. The restraining order paperwork should be arriving by messenger shortly.
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FROM: The Guilt Fairy theguiltfairy@goodthings.com
TO: Erica thedavisgirl@guiltfree.com
SUBJECT: Re: It's Not Me. It's You.
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OUT OF OFFICE AUTOREPLY:
Greetings from South America!
I will be out of the office on a rescue mission to protest the degredation of the endangered peruvian chinchilla habitat, then a meditation retreat to find out how else I can change the world through the power of hugs. If this is an emergency, please do not hesitate to contact my second in command at Iwouldntdoth@ifIwereyou.com. And remember: no matter what you do...You could always have done it better.
Big Hug!
T.G.F.
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FROM: Erica thedavisgirl@guiltfree.com
TO: The Guilt Fairy theguiltfairy@goodthings.com
CC: My Conscience Iwouldntdoth@ifIwereyou.com
SUBJECT: Re: AUTOR REPLY RE: It's Not Me. It's You.
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Bite me.
-Erica
