TO: Everyone everyone@thewholeworld.com
FROM: The Guilt Fairy theguiltfairy@givegivegive.com
SUBJECT: Blogcation Notice
DEAR KIND READERS,
THIS IS THE GUILT FAIRY WRITING.
THIS IS THE GUILT FAIRY WRITING.
IT HAS RECENTLY COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT ERICA WAS, IN FACT, SERIOUS ABOUT MY SEVERANCE FROM HER EXISTENCE AS WAS CONVEYED TASTELESSLY IN AN POST EARLIER THIS YEAR. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
AND I WOULD HAVE RESPONDED TO THIS MATTER SOONER, HOWEVER, I'VE BEEN ON A VOW OF POVERTY TO RAISE AWARENESS OF THE DIMINISHING ECUADORIAN AMISH COMMUNITY --MORE ON THAT IN A MOMENT.
HASN'T SHE ANY IDEA OF WHAT I GO THROUGH FOR HER? THE AMOUNT OF UNCOMMONLY SELFLESS GODDESS-LIKE SOCIAL PROWESSES I INJECT --RATHER FREQUENTLY- INTO HER ARTICULATION SO AS TO SPARE HER FROM OTHERWISE GALACTIC EMBARRASSMENTS? I SUPPOSE NOT, OTHERWISE SHE WOULD HAVE WRITTEN BACK WITH SOMETHING OTHER THAN A RESTRAINING ORDER IN MY ABSENCE.
HOWEVER, AMONG MY TRAVELS IN THE AMISH COMMUNITY, I CAME ACROSS AN EXTRAORDINARILY RARE SPECIES OF ANIMAL. WHILE INTERACTING WITH THESE CREATURES, I BEGAN TO SEE HOW THEY WOULD BE JUST THE THING TO IMPRESS UPON OUR DEAREST ERICA THE IMPORTANCE OF A HUMBLE, MORE ME-LIKE EXISTENCE. SO, KIND, SENSIBLE READERS, I GIVE YOU: THE HOWLING ECUADORIAN GUILT MONKEYS (Guiltius, schreechius).
THE ECUADORIAN GUILT MONKEY CAN BEEN TRACED BACK THOUSANDS OF YEARS PROTECTING AND GUIDING THE AMISH TRIBES. IT'S QUITE SOMETHING REALLY, ALL THEIR LITTLE EYES WIDE OPEN, MOUTH AGAPE, IN DISBELIEF WHEN THEY SENSE GUILT OR BAD KARMA.
THE ECUADORIAN GUILT MONKEY CAN BEEN TRACED BACK THOUSANDS OF YEARS PROTECTING AND GUIDING THE AMISH TRIBES. IT'S QUITE SOMETHING REALLY, ALL THEIR LITTLE EYES WIDE OPEN, MOUTH AGAPE, IN DISBELIEF WHEN THEY SENSE GUILT OR BAD KARMA.
PERHAPS MOST EXTRAORDINARY ARE THEIR BUILT-IN HOMING DEVICES, PROGRAMED BY SCENT, IN MUCH THE SAME WAY A BABY CHICK WILL "IMPRINT" UPON THE FIRST CREATURE THEY SEE.
FORTUNATELY FOR ERICA, MY HORDE OF HOWLING ECUADORIAN GUILT MONKEYS WERE NOT MATURE UNTIL THIS MORNING, WHEN, UPON HATCHING IN A DARK CORNER OF ERICA'S BEDROOM, THEY WERE, UNSURPRISINGLY, FACE-TO-FACE WITH --AND THUS ENSUED ROLLING IN-- HER DIRTY LAUNDRY.
WHICH IS IN NO SHORT SUPPLY.
SELFLESSLY, I'VE ARRANGED A BRIEF INTERVIEW WITH THE ALPHA MALE, KANGORA --PICTURED ABOVE-- WHO SHOULD BE HERE SHORTLY.
WHILE WE WAIT, I THOUGHT I'D TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO BRING TO LIGHT A FEW 'LEARNING MOMENTS' THAT WOULD OTHERWISE HAVE BEEN WASTED IN ERICA'S LESS-THAN-IMPRESSIVE SHORT-TERM MEMORY ABILITIES. TAKEN PRIMARILY FROM A CANDID OBSERVATION YESTERDAY, I CALL THIS NEW BLOG SEGMENT: "TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO AT A YALE STAFF MEETING---
WHICH IS IN NO SHORT SUPPLY.
SELFLESSLY, I'VE ARRANGED A BRIEF INTERVIEW WITH THE ALPHA MALE, KANGORA --PICTURED ABOVE-- WHO SHOULD BE HERE SHORTLY.
WHILE WE WAIT, I THOUGHT I'D TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO BRING TO LIGHT A FEW 'LEARNING MOMENTS' THAT WOULD OTHERWISE HAVE BEEN WASTED IN ERICA'S LESS-THAN-IMPRESSIVE SHORT-TERM MEMORY ABILITIES. TAKEN PRIMARILY FROM A CANDID OBSERVATION YESTERDAY, I CALL THIS NEW BLOG SEGMENT: "TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO AT A YALE STAFF MEETING---
==INCOMING MESSAGE==
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TO: Everyone everyone@thewholeworld.com
FROM: thedavisgirl@guiltfree.com
TO: Everyone everyone@thewholeworld.com
FROM: thedavisgirl@guiltfree.com
SUBJECT: at Starbucks
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Anyone happen to know why there is currently a swarm of midget chimps screeching at my latte?
-Erica
