COMPOSE MESSAGE: Yes / No?
Yes, please.
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FROM: thedavisgirl@blogspot.com
TO: mother.nature@universe.com
SUBJECT: Dear Mother Nature,
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Dear Mother Nature,
Seriously? 84 degrees at rush hour? It’s almost October, Ladyface. Have I offended you somehow? I don't recall showing up in your ethereal hometown and setting fire to it.
What, are there are no calendars in your neck of the Universe? I have it on good authority (you) that it is, in fact, Autumn. Do you know what Autumn means, Mother Nature? It's Latin for Argyle sweaters, pumpkin picking, corduroys and a steaming cup of mulled cider. Not an unwanted freakish heat wave you spiteful twit!
SUBJECT: Dear Mother Nature,
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Dear Mother Nature,
Seriously? 84 degrees at rush hour? It’s almost October, Ladyface. Have I offended you somehow? I don't recall showing up in your ethereal hometown and setting fire to it.
What, are there are no calendars in your neck of the Universe? I have it on good authority (you) that it is, in fact, Autumn. Do you know what Autumn means, Mother Nature? It's Latin for Argyle sweaters, pumpkin picking, corduroys and a steaming cup of mulled cider. Not an unwanted freakish heat wave you spiteful twit!
Oh, I'm sorry...
Did I hurt your feelings, Mother Nature? Well too bad. YOU HURT MY WARDROBE!
Regardless of the fact that the air conditioner was invented here, statistics prove that Buffalo has ten months of winter and two months of bad sledding. This hardly qualifies us to enjoy the heat, now does it? What are you, a polar bear? If you're cold, don't turn up the intergalactic thermostat just because there's a chill. Put on a sweater.
Here...have one of mine.
Really, I insist. Not like I'll be needing it any time soon.
You and I both know, Mother Nature, Autumn began yesterday. And for once I am prepared for a season. I've got sweaters. I've got synthetic wool socks. I've got Ugg boots (horrid looking things, but too cozy to pass up). And at the risk of losing what little tan line I did manage in the seven hours of sunlight this past summer, I've retired the tank tops and have ready the scarfs. So stand down, you spiteful woman because I'm--Oh.
Oh no.
Crap. Seriously, woman?
Snow?
You jerk.
DELETE MESSAGE: Yes / No?
Yes.
MESSAGE SENT.
No. Hey, wait...no! Oh, crap, no. Undo! Undo! Please, undo!
CANNOT UNDO SENT MESSAGE.
FORWARD MESSAGE TO THE GUILT FAIRY: Yes / No?
No! Please, no!
MESSAGE FORWARDED TO theguiltfairy@universe.com
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