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Today is Jane Austen's 239th Birthday. Jane Austen is my homegirl and my homegirls get cupcakes. Unless you were born two centuries ago. In which case, you get gifts.
Having never had the pleasure of meeting her, I know jack about Jane Austen as a person. But through the immortal genius of PRIDE & PREJUDICE, as well as from the audio version of her personal letters, I *know* her, and do know about giving her gifts.
Inspired by the infectious joy oozing out of the farthest bedazzled, upcycled, spray-glittered, birded corners of Pinterest, I give you 'A Guide to Giving Four Simple Gifts':
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| Give 1 thing they want, 1 thing they need, 1 thing to wear, and 1 thing to read. |
The following are my four simple gifts to Jane Austen on this, her 239th birthday.
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Something Miss Austen Wants:
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Fair enough. My first gift to Miss Austen is a revised version of this post with less agreeable dialogue language most foul. Douche bags.
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Something Miss Austen Needs:
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Sorry Suck it, Clarkson. This belongs to one lady, and one lady only.
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Something for Miss Austen To Wear:
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Since Miss Austen wouldn't know a thermostat from a pinchbeck kerseymere: EITHER a Snuggie ( Children not included Asshat Family sold separately) OR...
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A vintage fothermucking couch dress. What in the world sharkfart is this and does it come in blue?
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Something for Jane to Read:
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I've got a first Edition of EMMA, so it's only fair that Miss Austen receives the original copy of HIDE AND NO SEEK, my first thriller. Such clever young ladies are we! Voldemort can go jump back up his mother. |
Make haste and have a cupcake!
Happy Birthday, Homegirl. |
