Coffee stockholders
are mourning the loss of their shares today. Right-wing
recycling overlord Howard Crittenden Davis graduated from Shady Pines on April
23, 2015 during a top-secret mission to save blind puppies from a burning
orphanage, probably.
Born on January
1, 1943 to Charles S. Davis and Faith (Howard) Davis of Getzville, NY, Howdy
was the last in a long and noble line of Welsh sheep thieves and claimed to
have been a "technical writer" (secret agent).
Among the
various high schools Howdy sampled, his favorites were Nichols and Darrow, from
where he graduated in the 60's. The 1960s,
most likely. He did some Army, then graduated college with a B.A. in Sociology and a minor in Underwater Basketweaving Habits of Left-Handed Gnats.
Howdy is
survived by his partner-in-crime of 38 years Jerrie (LoDestro) Davis, favorite daughter
[eldest category], Morgan (Davis) Krauss of Williamsville, and favorite daughter
[gifted/talented/humble category] Erica (Davis) Secor of Charlotte, NC; his unfathomably talented and devoted sister Margo Davis who took him to that Bills game where everybody else left early because it was sucking--because it was the Bills in the 90s--but then they got their heads out of their butt holes, kicked some ass, and took some names.
Howdy is also
survived by three awesome Granddaughters: Hailey "Zerbertz Queen"
Krauss, Kelsey "Bag-of-Squirrels" Krauss, and Catie "Poppy-That's-MY-Cookie"
Krauss, as well as Henry Jones Jr. (Flat-Coated Retriever) Secor, and Ridley (reddish dog-like mutt)
Secor.
Howdy is
predeceased by Vicky (setter), Blinker (setter), Louie (standard poodle), George
(setter), Hugo (setter), Socks (cat), Addie (collie-shepherd), Doc, (houdini/greyhound), Sammy Davis Jr.
(one-eyed greyhound), Hannah (bichon/hell-beast), a mug of last week's coffee
(still in the microwave), two sets of dentures, a wrist bone (2011), and, due
to his own ingenious idea lovingly referred to as the "Kevorkian
Machine", half the vole population of East Amherst. His spirit animal is a large wooden badger.
Howdy will be especially
remembered for his self-awareness:
I'm
a septuagenarian who still has both his marbles and car keys.
His guidance on
sibling relationships:
Don't
bleed on anything good.
His passion for
the arts:
Bach
would have been a Barbershoper.
And his
unwavering optimism:
It's
probably Barbershopable.
And his aptitude
for conflict resolution:
If
you're going to argue, don't stand in front of the television.
Howdy was the founding
father of the prestigious dozen-member strong Facebook group Only
Ladies Wear Hats Indoors and continues to infuriate his wife by never
having told her his password from his college fraternity days.
When he wasn't "writing"
(going on secret missions) or raising upstanding (and naturally brilliant, yet unfathomably
attractive) daughters, Howdy was a part-time astronaut. Just for extra cash on
the weekends. He also enjoyed texting mildly inappropriate jokes on his clamshell
phone, and intentionally never watched Star Wars.
In heaven, Howdy plans to sing bass in a Barbershop quartet with Leonard Nimoy (tenor), Johann S. Bach (lead), and AndyRooney (baritone).
In lieu of mourning, Howdy would respectfully remind you to stop sniveling; it happens to the best of us. Then, buy a friend a drink, get a dog, and do whatever you can to keep the whole world singing.
