The ABC's of New Year's Eve

A is for Asking guests over for games and fun and foodness.

B is for Being 'sad' when they decline-thank effing goodness.


C is for Champagne which may or may not have been forgotten.

D is for Deliberating Dishes--though they don't really smell that rotten.


E is for Etiquette and knowing when to phuck it. 

F is for Filch and Fudge and Umbrage who can suck it.


G is for The Guild and marathons, thereof.

H is for Hopelessness when trying to rhyme weird words.


I is for Ice Cream left over from Thanksgiving.

J is for Just eat it all. Pajamas are forgiving.


K is for Kindness. Or Crusade. Or Maim. Or Bleed.

L is for Love Listening to Assassin's Creed.


M is for Midol and shut your face before I skin it.

N is for Notable performances on the Spinnet.


O is for Other-worlds from where ghosts come to haunt you.

P is for Pantslessness because you know you want to.


Q is for Quiet couch times that won't soon be forgot.

R is for Resolution follow-through. Or not.


S is for Six episodes of Downton in a row. 

T is for Two more just because. THIS SHOW.


U is for Unlimited amounts of coffee.

V is for Very, Very many of pots of coffee.


W is for Watching poor Edith twice not Wed.

X is for X because it's way past time for bed. 


Y is for You and Yours and me and my caffeine.

Z is for Zero brain things left. Wake me in '15.

Make Haste and Have a Cupcake: A Gift-Giving Guide if You Know Jack About Jane

Today is Jane Austen's 239th Birthday. Jane Austen is my homegirl and my homegirls get cupcakes. Unless you were born two centuries ago. In which case, you get gifts. 

Having never had the pleasure of meeting her, I know jack about Jane Austen as a person. But through the immortal genius of PRIDE & PREJUDICE, as well as from the audio version of her personal letters, I *know* her, and do know about giving her gifts. 

Inspired by the infectious joy oozing out of the farthest bedazzled, upcycled, spray-glittered, birded corners of Pinterest, I give you 'A Guide to Giving Four Simple Gifts': 

Give 1 thing they want, 1 thing they need, 1 thing to wear, and 1 thing to read.

The following are my four simple gifts to Jane Austen on this, her 239th birthday.

Something Miss Austen Wants:

Fair enough. My first gift to Miss Austen is a revised version of this post with less agreeable dialogue language most foul. Douche bags.   

Something Miss Austen Needs:

Sorry Suck it, Clarkson. This belongs to one lady, and one lady only.

Something for Miss Austen To Wear:

Since Miss Austen wouldn't know a thermostat from a pinchbeck kerseymere: EITHER a Snuggie ( Children not included Asshat Family sold separately) OR...

A vintage  fothermucking couch dress. What in the world sharkfart is this and does it come in blue?

Something for Jane to Read:

I've got a first Edition of EMMA, so it's only fair that Miss Austen receives the original copy of HIDE AND NO SEEK, my first thriller. Such clever young ladies are we!  Voldemort can go jump back up his mother. 

Make haste and have a cupcake! 

Happy Birthday, Homegirl.